i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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