Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
