She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
