I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
