Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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