the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
