and you said cock pushups were impossible
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
