conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
