Non-Jews are for practice
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
