she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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