You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
