I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
