i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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