Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
