he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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