he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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