Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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