i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
