so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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