My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
