Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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