Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
