Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
