He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
