the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
