Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
