Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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