Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
is wine microwaveable?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
