I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
