Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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