How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
