At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize