I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
