I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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