I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
