too bad you live with your parents still
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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