so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
