I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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