Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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