If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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