it hurts more in the daytime
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
sex in a hospital.. check
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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