So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's rum buckets o'clock
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
