So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
