Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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