He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
