...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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