Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
