1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
