I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
