I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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