they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
