the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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