my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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