im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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