if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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