im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
