what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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