She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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