She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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