Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
