if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
