she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
