shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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