I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he shaved USA in his pubs
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
