I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
