i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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