Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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