im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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