Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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