The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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