Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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