He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize